FORGET THE HURT AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!

 I welcome everyone to the last quarter of this year 2013, it is with great pleasure i write this little piece of mine with inspiration gotten from you. Well, i have been looking deep into the past and found out that constant digging of our past mistakes can bring about fear, tears and stagnation to our life. It debars our 

progress and makes us unnecessarily aggressive.  Therefore, it would be wise to forget the past and move on, but make sure you try all your best possible to move on. Let us read together the meaning of this proverb ''A chicken that keeps scratching the dung-hill will soon find the mother’s thigh bones''

 

Koklo ka koli dzi, eno fe atafu nue wokena do. (Ewe)
Un poussin qui fouille trop les tas des déchets (d'une poubelle) finit par rencontrer les os de sa mère. (French)
Kifaranga kichokoracho mlima (lundo) wa uchafu hukutana na mifupa ya mamae. (Swahili)

A chicken that keeps scratching the dung-hill will soon find the mother’s thigh bones. (English)

Background, Explanation, Meaning and Everyday UseThere are very few Ewe proverbs that deal specifically with the concept of reconciliation and peace. However this Ewe proverb alludes to the context or environment necessary for reconciliation and peace. Chickens are fond of scratching the dung hill for food. This heap of garbage contains all kinds of things including chicken bones. A chicken that keeps digging deep into the dunghill sometimes comes across old bones and particularly chicken bones that may be more common in the garbage. This alludes to the fact that a person who keeps following bad issues may end up finding some painful reminders of their own destiny. The thigh bone of the mother hen is a reminder of the painful destiny of a person who keeps following bad issues from the past. Sometimes it is better to leave certain painful things to the past and look for better things in the future. One moral lesson is that if you want peace avoid digging too much into the bad and painful incidences of the past; they may only bring tears and sorrow. While selective understanding of past mistakes regarding war, conflict and division can be a learning experience, it is unhealthy to dwell too much on the past.

Biblical Parallels"But Lot's wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt" (Genesis 19:26).
"But Jesus said to him, 'Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead'" (Matthew 8:22).

Contemporary Use and Religious Application
This Ewe proverb can apply to many situations in different countries today where conflicts seem to have a never-ending momentum, for example, in Kenya after the December, 2007 presidential elections in which the confusion in announcing the results led to chaos, death and the destruction of a lot of property in some parts of the country. It is now debated whether there should be a blanket amnesty to all the people involved or whether these people should be prosecuted and punished. Those who are insisting on prosecution and punishment may have the assumption that their opponents may be the victims. Paradoxically like the proverbial chicken if they keep scratching the dunghill of this issue too much they may become victims of it themselves. Some issues are just too painful to be mentioned repeatedly. Revisiting them may only bring sorrow, anger and tears. Sometimes it is better to leave these issues in the past. Learn lessons from them, yes, but then move on into the future.

Anger is perhaps one of the most powerful emotions humans feel. It can be all consuming, distracting us from daily tasks and preventing us from forgiving people who have hurt us and moving forward. Anger certainly has its place in life and is a normal reaction to a frustrating or upsetting event. But holding on to anger long after the hurt has happened can have profoundly damaging effects. Anger at someone who has hurt you doesn't hurt them; it hurts you. Moreover, it interferes with your ability to have good relationships with people, including the person who has hurt you. 

Here is how you can get over anger and move forward with forgiveness:

Accept the Fact That You are Hurt
And so, to move beyond your pain, I believe the first step is to accept the fact that you are hurt. The truth is that many of us never get past this first step, for many reasons, such as denial (“I’m not hurt”), guilt (“I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I’m a Christian”), shock, anger and rejection (“I can't believe they did that to me”). Ultimately, until you accept the facts, you will become stuck in a loop. By the way, it is NOT a sin to feel hurt! What becomes sin is our fleshy reactions e.g. bitterness, malice, unforgiveness, resentment, etc. Even God recognised that we will be hurt and that’s why there are scriptures referring to the ‘broken’ or the ‘wounded’ heart. The Bible also tells us of the times God was hurt by the antics of His beloved people and so was Jesus. So you are not alone!
  Recognize Anger as a Mask For Other Emotions
Anger is typically a result of some other emotion- fear, sadness, or frustration, for example, and oftentimes when we're hurt, being angry feels safer than feeling the real emotion underlying the anger. If you're working to move past anger, however, it's important to identify the emotion that is beneath your anger. It is only through working through that emotion that you can begin to conquer your anger. If you are angry with someone with whom you still have a relationship, talk to them about the emotion that caused your anger. Rather than focusing on how angry you are, focus on how scared or hurt you feel. Exposing your vulnerability is more likely to yield a positive result from the other person, and allowing yourself to feel vulnerable can help you to begin to work past your anger.

Recognize That Anger Will Not Change Anything
In some cases, people work to maintain anger because they believe it will make them stronger. A scorned spouse, for example, may hold onto his anger because he believes it will prevent him from being blind to his spouse's faults in the future. But the truth is that you can be strong even without anger and you can learn from past experiences without focusing on anger. The anger itself is not going to change anything. It's important for you to acknowledge to yourself that anger only harms you. It prevents you from being able to relax, from moving forward with your life, and from having healthy relationships. Once you begin to accept this fact, it will make little sense for you to hold on to anger at another person when that anger is only harming you!

Don't Beat Yourself Up
Though anger is a destructive emotion when we hold onto it and allow it to interfere in our lives, it is also an unavoidable reaction to a troubling event. Don't beat yourself up for feeling angry. Instead, tell yourself that anger was a natural reaction but now you're ready to move past it. If you get caught up in beating yourself up, it will be even harder to let go of your anger.

Practice Empathy
We have all done things in life we regret, and we've all done things to cause another person to be angry. Try placing yourself in the shoes of the person who has harmed you and focus on seeing them as a person just like you who made a terrible mistake. By humanizing the other person and seeing their weaknesses, you're more likely to be able to move forward and forgive.

Talk Through Things
Talking through feelings is one of the most powerful things you can do to make them go away. The first Person ought to be God. It is amazing how we bring to God our mountain-like requests but omit the seemingly little ones which end up having an adverse impact on us. So, tell God about it (as if He does not already know!). For healing takes place when we bring our feelings before Him. In His presence, you will get comfort, clarity, and direction from a loving Father. God also places people in our lives to comfort us (2 Corinthians 1:3-5). So, find godly, supportive, wise and trustworthy people to speak to. Notice all the criteria? The person(s) you confide in must fit the bill! Let God order your steps on this matter. Allow yourself a day to ventilate, talk to a friend, punch a pillow, and express all of the anger you need to. Bottling up anger will only make it come out more forcefully later, so focus on getting it all out in a way that does not harm others. And then, after you've had a chance to get your anger out, resolve to move past it.
Working through anger can be a challenge, but anger can destroy lives. Remind yourself that anger cannot change the past; it can only make the future more difficult, and over time you will be able to move past your anger.

Take Action
This depends on the issue at hand. However part of your action plan will include forgiveness i.e. releasing the person(s) from your heart. This has to be a conscious effort on your part. And the truth of the matter is it may take time, depending on the cause of your hurt. The trap many of us fall into is simply saying “I forgive you” from our heads whilst this has not registered in our hearts. You can tell this is the case when you see the person(s) who hurt you and something happens on the inside of you. Let’s put it this way, you are not blessing them! Therefore, I truly believe that moving beyond our hurt is a process that God takes us through. And all He desires of us is to be willing to lay ourselves on His operating table so He can perform surgery on our damaged hearts. For only He can reach into the recess of our hearts and heal us from within. Then and only then, would you be able to move past the pain of your yesterdays and yesteryears.

 IN CONCLUSION
If there is one thing you can expect to experience, it is being hurt by others. This hurt can come from trusted friends, family, spouses, children or even church folk. But regardless of its origin, one this is for sure - it hurts! Why? Because you are human. Moreover, you probably did not expect it. And so, you find it hard to move on. The truth of the matter is that many of us find it difficult to move on because we don’t deal with our hurts effectively. When this happens, it has a detrimental effect on us. It can affect the way we relate to God and others. It can affect our attitudes, beliefs and behaviours. It can also affect our wellbeing.

So if you have been hurt of late, why not adopt these steps so you can be free for good? I pray that God, through the Comforter (i.e. The Holy Spirit), ministers to your heart. May He make your heart smile again.
CHEERS!!!!!